October 12th, 2008
Santa Cruz, California
Received by FAB
I am here, Judy Garland.
Let me write about my suicide attempts. Yes, as you have suspected,
they did make me suffer very much over here. That was the most difficult
struggle over here. It landed me in darkness, and for awhile, I
really was lost.
But I had goodness in my soul. You sensed that in my acting and
singing. You, and many others, have felt from me a great endearing
warmth, and that was in me, and it was sincere. I felt that performing
gave me a chance to bring joy to others. I was not able to manage
my personal life successfully, and that was more than partially
because of the unfair pressures of the studio world of show business,
and what followed.
So yes, as you have known, a suicide attempt, though it may be
unsuccessful, is a very serious offense. I wish I had known that
on earth. But I struggled and took the advice of a beautiful Angel
diligently. My goodness of heart combined with a great longing to
be free of my darkness, and so as a result, I was successful, and
happiness became mine. I was very energetic in pursuit of happiness
because on earth, I had the same intense desire for happiness, which
always eluded me.
At first, the spirit world was a great shock, but after I got
my bearings, I saw I could escape my prison of darkness. I was told
how to do it, and I followed through. I had always been an aspiring
soul. This was partially thwarted by my confusion, and by the unfair
pressures of a show business career. But I never lost that spark
of hope that one day, I would find happiness and peace.
We spirits are not eternally doomed to darkness. That was the
very first thing that sweet Angel told me. He said it with such
great conviction that I just had to believe. Of course, at first,
the struggle was very difficult. But as I persisted in praying for
God's Love (for that was the method of escape from my misery that
he explained to me), certain changes occurred within me. This process
accelerated - the more I tried, the easier it became. I know you
tend to doubt that such a serious sin as a suicide attempt could
be remedied so relatively quickly, but progress depends on a spirit's
will, and if the will is strong, as mine was, then success is faster.
It was my passionate desire for happiness and peace, which was continually
thwarted on earth, which was the motor that drove me, for I perceived
that I had a chance to possess what was never mine - a lifetime
of frustrated yearning pushed me to exert myself, until the prize
was mine. And how grateful I was that finally, what I yearned for