True Gospel Revealed Anew By Jesus. Volume 4
Spirit who found he did not have his soul developed when he passed over.
Received by James Padgett
I am here, a troubled spirit, and a very unhappy one, besides. I need help, and you will help me, won’t you? Do not say that you can’t.
I am a man who committed the worst of all crimes. I took my own life in a fit of desperation and under great excitement at what I thought was unusual injuries done me by another. I was a married man and a friend entered my home and despoiled it, and took my wife away from me; and in my despair, not wishing to live longer, I killed myself. But the fearful mistake! Since that time I have suffered all the tortures of the damned, as I am one of the worst of spirits. No sin is so great and incurs such damnation as that of the suicide, and it seems that for him there is no hope. I am without hope or expectation of any release from my awful condition, and I can find no help among my companions, who are all in a similar condition. Let me tell you that annihilation is a heaven to what I suffer. No hope, no light, no love, no sympathy, and no God. Oh, why was I ever born that I should be so tormented! My life on earth was not a very bad one, and I used to treat everyone as I desired them to treat me and I loved my wife and children with a pure and unselfish love, as I thought, and trusted my friends. I know that I was an average good man and did not intentionally harm anyone. But when the realization of the awful injury done to me came to my soul I lost all reason, as it were, and did that which I had no right to do.
My life was not my own. It was given me by God as a sacred trust, and I had no right to end it. I could not restore it, and I was recreant to my trust.
So you see, I have no way of making recompense to God for doing that awful deed. He demands that I atone for that deed, and I don’t know how, as I can see the only atonement that I can make is to restore that life, and that I cannot do. So you see I have no hope - only one bitter long night of suffering and torment through all eternity. Oh. why was I born, tell me if you can?
I do not believe that there is any way for me to escape the penalty of my great crime, and hence, hope has died in me. If I only had the faintest ray, I should not despair as I do. But to me hope is not even a will-o’-the-wisp, for I never see even the image of hope. So tell me, do you know a way out of this fearful condition of night and despair?
I will try to believe you.
Well, I am J____ I lived in a small town in the East (New London, Connecticut), and I passed over in 1864, while the great war was raging.
Yes, he is here, and is suffering, too, damn him. If I could only kill him as I killed myself, I would feel better satisfied and think that I was suffering in a good cause, and let my torment be my feast or flavors of the feast of my revenge. But I cannot kill him and he knows it, and says that I need not rage so, because he will not give me the revenge. So he is free from my vengeance, but he suffers, damn him, and I only wish that I could increase his tortures tenfold and ten times tenfold.
Yes, my wife is here, too, and suffering. Strange as it may seem, I have no hatred for her, as I believe that she was deceived, and in the weakness of her woman’s nature submitted to the overpowering influence of that fiend who seduced her. Oh, for a moment of freedom and the opportunity to wreak my vengeance on him.
Well, I am trying to forget him, as you request, and I am feeling better. Yes, I do. Yes, I see that only God can forgive me, as you say.
Well, I would say that He is just, and that I had no right to ask his forgiveness, when I had not forgiven one who injured me as you say. I see what you mean, but how can I forgive that wretch. I don’t know how, and yet, if I do not, how can I expect God to forgive me? Oh, my unhappy condition ! Tell me, is there no other way out of my awful condition, for if there is, I won’t forgive that villain.
Yes, I will think of it, and maybe my heart will relent, and I will be able to forgive him.
Oh, my darling wife! To think that all my life and love and hope were wrecked by that one man. It is so hard, and I am so very helpless.
Yes, only show me the way.
Yes, and oh, so beautiful and good. But they do not care for me or my unhappiness.
Well, I have asked and a beautiful spirit tells me that she is your mother, and knows why you sent me to her, and that she is willing to help me. She tells me that she sympathizes with and loves me, and wants to show me the way to happiness and light. I will go with her, for I believe that she will help me.
So, as she calls me, I will say that I am thankful to you, and will come again sometime. So good night.